The short answer
Every state's inheritance rules were written around marriage and blood relation. An unmarried partner appears nowhere in them. Twenty years together, a shared mortgage, and children raised jointly do not change the default, because the default does not look at any of that.
That is not a reason for alarm. It is a reason to write things down. Documents put unmarried couples in almost exactly the position married couples are in by default, and they are the only thing that does.
What happens with no documents
Picture Theo and Sam, together eleven years, sharing a home and a life. Theo dies suddenly with no will.
Theo's estate passes to his relatives under state intestacy rules. Sam is not an heir. Theo's parents, whom Sam barely knows, become the people with legal standing to decide what happens. If Theo had savings, Sam has no claim to them. If Theo's name was the only one on the deed, Sam may have to leave the house. In the hospital beforehand, Sam may not have been allowed to make decisions or even to receive updates.
None of this requires anyone to behave badly. It is simply what the law does when it has not been told otherwise.
A small number of states recognize common-law marriage under specific conditions, and the rules vary considerably. Do not assume yours is one of them. Check your state's requirements and plan as if it is not.
The documents that close the gap
The same core documents everyone needs do more work for an unmarried couple, because there is no legal fallback underneath them.
- Will: names your partner as a beneficiary and as executor, which nothing else will do
- Healthcare power of attorney: names your partner as the person who can make medical decisions
- HIPAA authorization: allows your partner to receive information about your condition at all
- Living will or advance directive: states your own wishes about life-sustaining treatment
- Financial power of attorney: lets your partner manage finances and property if you cannot
- Revocable living trust, if you own real estate or want to avoid probate and keep things private
Estateur's Will Package is $99 for one person and $149 for a couple, and the POA Package is $79 and $119. A healthcare power of attorney on its own is $59 and includes the living-will directive and the HIPAA authorization. The core set of documents is described separately.
The hospital problem is the urgent one
Of everything in this article, the medical documents are the ones people regret not having. An inheritance dispute happens after the worst day. Being kept out of an intensive care unit happens during it.
Without a healthcare power of attorney, a hospital looks to a spouse or next of kin, and your partner is neither. Staff may not be permitted to tell your partner your condition, let alone take direction from them. Families who are estranged can find themselves making decisions while the person who knows your wishes best waits in a hallway.
These documents take a few minutes to complete and cost less than almost anything else in this area. Sign them, give copies to each other, and give a copy to your doctor. More on choosing a healthcare agent.
How your home is titled decides who keeps it
For couples who own property together, the deed usually matters more than the will. Property held as joint tenants with right of survivorship passes to the surviving owner immediately and outside of probate. Property held as tenants in common does not: each owner's share goes to their own heirs.
Two people can buy a house together, split every payment, and still have the survivor lose half of it because of three words on a deed nobody re-read. Pull the deed. Find out which it says. If it does not match what you intend, changing it is a routine matter handled by a title company or a local attorney.
If only one of you is on the deed, the situation is starker, and a will or trust naming the other partner is essential rather than optional.
Forms of joint ownership and how they are created differ by state, so check the rules where you live before you assume anything.
Beneficiary forms do a lot of work here
Retirement accounts, life insurance, and payable-on-death accounts pass directly to the person named on the form, without probate and without regard to your will. For unmarried couples this is a straightforward way to move significant value to a partner quickly and privately.
It also means an outdated form can undo everything else. A policy naming a parent or a former partner will pay that person even if your will says otherwise.
- List every retirement account, life insurance policy, annuity, and payable-on-death account
- Name your partner as primary beneficiary where that is what you intend
- Name a contingent beneficiary on every one of them
- Check employer-provided life insurance, which is often overlooked entirely
- Keep written confirmations with your signed documents
The fuller explanation is in how beneficiary designations override your will.
Children, and the details of daily life
If you are raising children together and only one partner is a legal parent, the other partner has no automatic authority over them and no automatic relationship if the legal parent dies. A guardian nomination in the legal parent's will is important, and depending on your circumstances a second-parent or stepparent adoption may be worth discussing with a family law attorney in your state. There is more on how to name a guardian.
Smaller things matter too, and they are easy to handle. Say in writing who you want to control your remains and funeral arrangements, because the default is usually next of kin. Make sure each of you is listed as the other's emergency contact at work and with your doctors. If you have a lease, a shared business, or a jointly owned vehicle, make sure the paperwork reflects what you both intend.
Expect some friction, and plan around it
Estates where a partner inherits ahead of parents or siblings draw challenges more often than most. You cannot make a plan challenge-proof, but you can make it hard to argue with.
Sign your documents exactly as your state's instructions require, since procedural mistakes are the most common ground for a challenge. Do not use a beneficiary as a witness. Keep the originals somewhere accessible and tell your partner where they are. Tell your family what you have done, if you can, so it is not a discovery. And review the plan every few years, or whenever something changes.
Estateur prepares documents for all fifty states and the District of Columbia, each with signing instructions written for your state. We are a self-help document preparation service, not a law firm, and using our product creates no attorney-client relationship. If you are co-parenting without legal parentage, own a business together, or expect a serious family dispute, talk to an attorney in your state. If you are ready to begin, you can start your plan.